The past few days I have been waking up unmotivated. I don´t want to do anything in particular, I haven´t wanted to meet anyone, I have been wandering around each day in a daze feeling lost. I know these feelings happen to people as life becomes mundane. However, the catch is that I am travelling. Currently I am in the amazing country of Nicaragua, my life should not feel mundane, I am so lucky.
Then I began to feel guilty. How can I feel like this when I lead such an amazing life? My mood became more negative.
After a phone call with a friend she helped me put it all into perspective and allowed me to clarify my thoughts. Although I do have this incredible travelling life, it is my normality. It is okay to feel like I do.
I am so tired of all the questions I get asked when I meet new people, where are you from? what do you do? Oh you just travel…what are you going to do later in life? It is so exhausting. All these conversations are so superficial and I feel like I am not gaining anything out of them and they’re not helping me to grow. I have the same stock standard answers which I can recite in my sleep. I feel bad for the new people I meet because I know how it feels to start a trip, I know how it feels to want to become friends with every new person you meet. I have been there. Unfortunately now I am on the other end of the scale.
I crave long conversations that have nothing to do with me and how I manage long term travel. I want conversations about things like culture, politics, values and science. Conversations that educate me and help me to think. However it is hard to find those conversations while living this transient hostel lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, the conversations I crave can happen. It is how I have met some of my closest friends. However these conversations and the people who want to have them are like little floating pieces of gold. They are hard to see and do not come by often, so when they do you must grab on to them and cherish them.
I am stuck between wanting to see new places and not wanting to travel alone anymore. I have been a solo traveller for such a long time and it is amazing. However I am now at a point where I miss the stability of friendships. And that is the big traveller paradox. Constantly making friends in all different parts of the world and then struggling with the lonliness of not having these people around you all the time.
After thinking about all this for the past few days I no longer feel guilty. If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me how lucky I am, I would retire. Although I live this seemingly perfect travel life, I have worked hard to do it, it isn´t all luck.
I know that I am lucky. I am lucky to come from a great country which allows me to save enough money to do what I do, lucky enough to have a great education which has taught me life skills which I use on the road, lucky enough to have amazing parents who let me stay rent free. However I work hard and make sacrifices in order to live this life. I am also ballsy enough to do just have gone and done it. Because the majority of people who tell me I am lucky are people exactly like me, people who have the same opportunities and could do it, they just have not yet.
Just because I live this life it does not mean that sometimes, in its own way, it is not hard. And if you’re reading this feeling the same. Just because our problems are different to someone elses it does not mean they don´t matter. Your problems are justified. If you can appreciate how lucky you are in comparison to others then this is the main thing. I think this ‘first world problems’ thing has been taken out of hand. We have begun to belittle people’s problems. Comparing apples and oranges. A problem is a problem and we should be supporting people through them. Not just tell them to push it to the side because out there someone has a bigger problem. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Although problems aren’t pleasant, they help you in the long run. In ways you don’t see immediately. They test you. They help you grow. They show you who in your life will always be there for you, no matter what. And most importantly they help you at appreciate the good moments even more.